Feeling Like a "Failure"? Perhaps it's Time to Redefine Success.
A Mini Tool Kit for the Work-From-Home Parent Building a One Person Business
We've all been there. The constant comparison, the endless race to meet societal expectations, the crippling fear of never being enough.
As a work-from-home mum in midlife, who is building a content based business, while juggling family and personal commitments, I often find myself trapped in this whirlwind. So that’s why I’m keen to test out tools that can help me break free from this cycle.
Drawing inspiration from the book "The Gap and the Gain" by Dan Sullivan & Dr Benjamin P. Hardy (affiliate link *), my aim is to redefine success and find meaningful happiness, and then to share what I find with other creative mid-lifers, who are building a one-person-business while managing family and personal commitments.
Who Turned the Volume Up?
So, you're trying to build a successful business, manage your home, and take care of your family, yet you can't help but feel like you're failing. The relentless noise of external expectations and societal pressures can make even the strongest alpha-type feel like they’re constantly falling short.
Social media doesn't help either, with its curated perfection and constant comparisons. It's an exhausting, never-ending cycle that leaves many feeling inadequate and unhappy.
It’s Lonely in the Comparison Trap - Or is it?
This feeling of inadequacy isn't just frustrating—it's harmful. It can lead to stress, anxiety, and a loss of self-esteem. It can make you question your worth and abilities.
I’ve often experience this as feeling isolated and alone, like I'm the only one struggling. But the reality is, I'm not alone. Many people are feeling the same way.
But what if there was a way to break free from this cycle? What if we could define our own success, navigate our own path, and find true happiness on our own terms?
The good news is, we can. And it starts with tuning out the external noise and tuning into our true selves.
The book “The Gap and The Gain" offers a solution in chapter 2 “Be Self-determined: Define your own Success Criteria”. The author, Benjamin Hardy, discusses creating an internal reference point, aligning success with personal values, and living life in a self-determined way.
Imagine a future where success is defined by your own standards, not society's.
A future where you feel fulfilled and content, not because you've ticked off a list of societal expectations, but because you're living in alignment with your own values and goals.
It's a future where your happiness comes from within, not from external validation.
And it's a future that's within your reach - you just need to turn off the influx of other people's highlight reels and success standards with a few simple tools…
Next Actions: Three Tools for your Kit
Here are some suggestions from the book that can be followed as practical tools to help you redefine success on your own terms.
You’re going to want your journal, your favourite pen and maybe your favourite cuppa!
Tool 1 - Success Definition
Take some time to reflect on what success means to you.
Is it financial independence? What would the figure be for that?
Is it a balanced lifestyle? What is balance for you? Does it include time in nature, time with family or friends, time taking care of your health?
Is it the ability to make an impact? Where do you want to make an impact and how?
Is it the agency to spend your time how you wish?
Whatever it is, define it clearly.
Check-in with yourself by going back through your list and asking yourself:
Do the items on the list make ME feel excited or are they to please/impress someone else?
Tool 2 - Social Media Detox
Reduce the time you spend on social media. It’s an obvious one but worth taking seriously if you’re racking up the hours doom scrolling.
I know it's easy to get sucked into the comparison trap when you're constantly bombarded with curated perfection and highlights of every ones best bits, so I have push notifications turned off for pretty much every app on my smart phone that even whiffs of something like social media.
I avoid using Instagram and Facebook, although I do still have accounts for these platforms, I rarely check-in on them and when I do I limit the time to no more than a few minutes.
Tool 3 - It’s a Successful Day Because…
Create a list of ‘personal success criteria’ that start with the phrase “I know I’m being successful when…”. The things on the list should be unique to you and your current season of life. Here are a few things to help get the ideas flowing:
'I know I’m being successful when I invest time taking my children to the park'
'I know I’m being successful when I take 30 minutes to read/listen to a personal development book and make notes'
'I know I’m being successful when I spend time planning my monthly content'
‘I know I’m being successful when I call in on an elderly neighbour for check-in’
Whenever you start doubting yourself, refer back to this list to help guide how you spend your time.
Review the list every 3-12 months. You are constantly changing, life is always in motion, so your list will most likely need tweaking over time as you develop your skills or gain news ones, as family life shifts to the next season, and as your business grows.
And Finally
Remember that you have the power to define your own success. You have the power to tune out the external noise and tune into your true north.
I’m cheering you on…
Chloe x
* Please note: I personally found and purchased this [Audible] book, but as an Amazon Associate I earn from any qualifying purchases you may make after clicking these links.